Someone Beautiful

It has been one year; one year since Brad Toews passed away. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had only known Brad for a month but it was enough. He was wild, humorous, protective, kind, bold and so much more. My first impression was unfortunate; I was in the computer lab late at night checking my e-mail and he came in, found someone's mail by a computer and starting swearing up a storm. I didn't understand him, immediately I thought he was a bad guy I needed to stay away from. However, he was really good friends with my roommate so I had to learn how to be okay with him. This was a great thing because I started to see different sides to him, not just the funny one that everyone knows. There was one night when my roommate and her ex-boyfriend had a fight, she brought me along for support. I didn't really know what was going on when she all of a sudden slapped him across the face. Seconds later, her ex retaliated by threatening to hit her and Brad was there to hold him back and calm him down. I saw him in a totally different light after that and started to try to get to know him. I wish I had more time. That day is still so clear. He was in my introduction to theatre class and that morning he was not there. We did not think much of it until Marlin Reimer came to our class looking for him. Soon after there was an emergency meeting at the chapel and I still feel guilty for the comments that were made while we were waiting to find out what the meeting was about. I was sitting with my roommate and a few of our friends and we were trying to figure it out. One of our conclusions was that something happened to Brad because he was not in class today. Unfortunately, my roommate assumed suicide and made the "gun pointed to head" gesture. Inside I had a feeling that something actually was terribly wrong, but it was too easy to joke around. After finding out the truth, I never felt so horrible in my life; not only because of the jokes that were being made before hand, but because it took me a while to accept Brad. I've never squeezed my roommate's hand so tight. Everyone asks why. Why did he leave in the middle of his song; his beautiful song? If someone told him life was not worth the fight, they were wrong; they lied. Now he is gone, and we cry. I do not understand what went wrong. How could have he masked his troubled soul for so long? It makes you wonder if there was anything you could have said or done. However, God only knows what went wrong. All I can do now is remember; remember the short amount of time I had with him and how honoured I am that I even have that. I know now that I cannot judge someone based on first impressions. He was so much more than the guy I was creeped out by in the computer lab. He was so beautiful and now every time I hear the train go by, I think of him.