Ick

Sometimes I wish I could rewind time. When I was in high school all I could think about was how thrilled I was to get out. Now that I am in college, I am wishing that I could go back to high school. I miss going to school every day and hanging out with the same 9 people in class. It was great, it was like I had extra brothers and sisters. Who would have thought I would miss the crazy teachers. As frustrating as the homework was, it was easy. Technically it wasn't easy, but it was different, papers are much too repetitive. As well, I miss the home cooked meals. There is seriously nothing better than my mom's meals. I was completely content with where I was at. I had two very close friends whom I will always cherish. The fact that I was in the middle of nowehere allowed me to avoid drama. The drama that did occur was very minor and easy to overcome. Now that I am here, drama lurks behind every corner. I hate it. I wish I could go back to the almost drama-free world I came from. It has been my intention to leave Providence altogether, but I will remain here....for now. I honestly believe that I cannot stay in a single place for too long. Too bad my parents won't let me move to Ireland, or New Zealand. Instead, I have to endure dorm, papers and cafeteria food for another semester. Ick.

Don't Trust Wolves

There was a lone German Shepherd roaming the fields, not knowing exactly what he was looking for. On the horizon, a dark figure appeared. Curious as the dog was, he slowly moved towards it until it was perfectly clear that it was a beautiful she-wolf. Cautiously, the German Shepherd stepped back, he had previous experience with wolves and knew they cannot be trusted. However, the she-wolf caught his attention, she was mesmerizing in every way and so, the dog stopped dead in his tracks. The she-wolf had no intention of harming the German Shepherd and casually walked away as if their encounter never happened. The next day, the German Shepherd surprisingly returned to that very same spot in hopes of seeing the she-wolf again. Fortunately for the dog, the she-wolf also returned and this time she cleverly interacted with the German Shepherd. Gently, she grazed the tip of her tail with the snout of the dog. Instantly, the dog caught a wiff of the she-wolf and liked what he smelt. Mysteriously, the she-wolf ran away leaving the dog in shambles from an unwanted exit. Day after day, the German Shepherd returned to the spot expecting to see the she-wolf, she did not disappoint. Each of these days, the she-wolf slowly lured the German Shepherd further from the original spot. After a couple weeks, the German Shepherd found that he trusted the she-wolf completely as she led him on this stray path. One day, the German Shepherd met up with the she-wolf as usual. Once again, he followed her on this unfamiliar path. Normally, the dog would look around, notice that he'd gone too far and turn back. However, this time the German Shepherd didn't trust his instincts and wanted to see where she was leading him. They arrived at a meadow encircled by trees and the German Shepherd looked around in confusion. All of a sudden, a pack of wolves evolved from the border of trees. It was a trap. Slowly, the moved towards him, ready to eat him alive. The German Shepherd looked into the eyes of the she-wolf, betrayal. His fate was sealed as each of the wolves pounced on him viciously. He struggled but stood no chance. The she-wolf stood aside and waited for the violence to end. As each of the wolves moved away from the carcass with their share of meat, the she-wolf moved on in. There lied the heart, the only thing left, which she devoured carelessly. Moral of the story: Don't Trust Wolves.

Bounce

There was a time in Kyla Steeves' life when she was a bully. Surprisingly, the quiet girl who sat in class was not so quiet on the playground. She discovered the power of having a clique, not knowing the cruelty which resulted because of one. However, at this time Kyla did not know what a clique was, she was part of what was considered a series of clubs. There was the monkey bar club, the tree club, the under the deck club, so many clubs and so many opportunities to leave other kids out. Kyla would like to blame her unfriendliness on her one friend who exerted so much power over her. However, there was no excuse for the way Kyla chose friends in elementary and how she stabbed others in the back. The turnaround point for Kyla occurred in the fifth grade when she became friends with the new girl. At this point, she realized that it was much cooler to just have friends rather than being associated with the “pleather jacket” club. Kyla thought the club days were behind her until she experienced a clique on a whole new level at camp. There was the Lethbridge E-Free clique who thought they owned the place. Outsiders called them the "perfect 10" because the clique consisted of the five prettiest girls and the five best looking boys at camp. If you were not from Lethbridge E-Free, you were a nobody in their eyes. Of course the members were always nice but it was in a fake way, so there was no way you could even try to connect with them. As a result, Kyla decided that she was fed up with cliques and never wanted to be a part of one. However, during her freshmen year at Providence, Kyla hung out with a certain group of friends for most of the first semester. They called themselves the "quadpod" because there was four of them. This name was not used to reinforce their clique but to mock the fact that they kind of were a clique. Unfortunately, Kyla spent half of the year with these three others and quickly realized all the other people she was missing out on. Therefore, the quadpod eventually dispersed. It was not that they quit being friends altogether, it was that they didn’t need each other anymore. Amazingly enough, they didn’t need to be with each other every minute of every day. Today, Kyla prides herself on not belonging to a certain group. She is content with the fact that she has friends but they are not a set group who needs to be with each other all the time. Kyla is a strong individual who does not have to rely on a group to make her feel secure. All in all, Kyla Steeves would much rather bounce from friend to friend than only hang out with a single group of friends.

Blood-its in YOU to GIVE

About two years ago, my sister had this bright idea of donating blood on Valentine's Day. She is pretty cheesy and thought it was clever to literally give your heart away on this special day. Of course I was all for it, a little scared but incredibly excited. My sister is a donation slut because her blood type is O Rh negative which is considered the universal donor. Therefore, she feels that it is her obligation to go as often as possible. In fact, she and her friends have made donating blood a game. It has become a competition to see who can pump their blood out the fastest. Oddly enough, my sister has passed out because of this ridiculous game they created. However, for this one day considering that it was my first time she would not make it a race. When we got to the donation center I started to get extremely nervous. There is this lengthy process you must go through in order to donate blood, certain tests you must pass. I passed the first test which was to see if your iron levels were up to standard. It was kind of gross to watch a drop of my blood fall in a certain liquid. Next, I had to fill out an extremely long survey. This took forever but when I was done I had to sit through a short interview. This is where I failed. They discovered that I got a peircing recently so I was not elligible to donate blood. In fact, I had to wait a whole six months before I could! I was so angry that one tiny piercing stopped me from donating blood. As a result, I was forced to sit at a table watching my sister and her friend donate blood for the zillionth time while I could not even donate blood once. To this day, I have yet to donate blood. However, today I saw a sign for donating blood by the cafeteria. This sign is clear enough for me, it is totally directed at me to finally give my blood away. It is about time I find out what my blood type is. It is about time I get to save someone. It is about time my blood gets put to good use.

no offense

Have you ever been so offended that it brought you close to tears? A situation in which you cannot believe someone could be that inconsiderate? At the time you feel as if you are going to burst with anger, that it is going to take everything in you to stop yourself from going ape on that person. You simply just walk away knowing that your back will burn them more than your words. Well, I cannot handle these situations because as soon as I walk away I feel horrible. My guilty conscience grabs a hold of my mind and plays tricks on it. Instead of focusing my anger on that person who ticked me off, I channel that anger towards myself. Somehow I am able to convince myself that it was my fault all along. As a result, I sit there thinking of the type of apology I need to use when in reality, I have nothing to apologize for. As in all cases, that person who offended me never actually says sorry and I find someway to tell them that I feel bad and that I'm sorry. A couple days later I find myself reassessing the situation and realizing that I should actually be mad. However, it is too late to give that person the silent treatment because I already convinced them that I didn't care that they offended me. Therefore, if I acted mad towards that person they would be super confused as to why I am not speaking to them. Nonetheless, I do this anyways hoping that that person will have the brains to know why I am quiet around them so that they can just say sorry and we all can just move on. They never do. I finally reach the point of realizing that I am overreacting and I move on. That person will never know that I was ever mad at them. It's a crazy trend of mine.

True Thoughts of a MOH

The sand was cold beneath her feet. Why on earth was it freezing on a beautiful day in July? The weather didn’t look promising in the morning when the bride, mother of the bride and every bridesmaid looked out the farmhouse window only to see hopeless rain. With tears streaming down the bride’s face of seeing a ruined beach wedding, the mother of the bride and beloved sister tried desperately to calm her down. Soon enough, the clouds parted, allowing the sun to shine through and the maid of honour to sigh with relief at the sight of a thankful bride. As the day proceeded, however, the weather posed as a threat to her sister’s dream wedding. The wedding party had successfully managed to make it to their spots on the beach front thanks to the father of the bride pushing to get the wedding started. Unfortunately, a huge storm cloud was rolling in from the west causing the bride to panic frantically. As the sister stood there, smooshing her feet in the cold sand waiting for the bride, she thought of how disastrous it was going to be if the cloud made its way over the wedding before it ended. Silently, she laughed to herself, not because she wished her sister something as unfortunate as that on the most important day of her life but because if it did happen, her wedding could definitely top her sisters. It wasn’t fair that her sister got the camp wedding. Now her mother had pressure on her to have a traditional church wedding. All of these thoughts were running through her mind until she looked up and saw her sister walking with her father down the boardwalk. Honestly, she had never seen someone that beautiful. A very cliché thing to think at a wedding, but she thought it nonetheless. Her father shook the groom’s hands and although the maid of honour could not see clearly, she knew her father had tears in his eyes. Jealousy covered the sister’s heart; her older sister was the first to go, thus, getting the most emotion out of their father. She wondered whether or not her father would even cry by the time she got married. “Hallelujah!” he would be sure to say. The bride and the groom made their way to the altar where the pastor blabbed something about love. What a horrible sister she was. She had no desire to pay attention to the lovely words that came out of his mouth and when she looked down the line of bridesmaids, she and her younger sister on the end were the only one not in tears. What was wrong with the Steeves girls? Did they inherit some sort of cold hearted gene? As the pastor announced the couple as man and wife, the sister felt an ounce of an emotion at the thought of losing her sister but it soon passed. Why was she so cynical? Why couldn’t she cry like the other loyal bridesmaids? Why was she so concerned about the speech she had to make at the reception? Why did she keep asking herself why? Frustrated, she manually shut off her brain and continued the rest of the wedding as the robotic maid of honour. Thankfully, the nasty storm cloud seemed to pause above their heads until the wedding was over and everything was put away and then it down poured. The maid of honour thought what a beautiful wedding it turned out to be despite the threatening storm cloud, too bad her mind was elsewhere for most of it.

Jase

Jase and I have a special connection. I love being with him. For the past two years I have spent a lot of time with him. He takes me places. This summer he took me to work, waited until I was done and then took me back home. He will take me and my friends on random slurpee runs, shopping trips, and girls night outs with no complaints. He is extremely reliable, always there when I need him. Especially on those gross days where I hate the world, he'll take me for a ride and after I feel so refreshed. I like that he is always there for the hard times, it doesn't matter where I want to go, he'll take me. The thing is that my dad picked him for me himself, having my father's approval means everything. As well, my friends love him. In fact, everyone is jealous of him. I have a friend that wants to take him away from me every Thursday for three hours, and I can't let her do it, I never know when I want to spend time with him. The best thing about him is that he never talks, not unless I need him to, meaning he'll let other people know when I'm pissed off. Also, he'll listen to my music, and not say a word about it. He is truly the best. Is it illegal to marry your car? Because I think I just might.

Kyla

I have always envied people whose names have been used in a song. Any Stephens in this world are lucky because they made it in a Taylor Swift song, Hey Stephen or I wish my name was Brittany so I could star in a Forever the Sickest Kids song, Hey Brittany. Honestly, I want an artist to say Hey to me, or other Kylas in the world for that matter. Unfortunately, Kyla is not an extremely popular name like Stacy or Jesse. However, I am glad my name is not Stacy because I wouldn't want people saying that my mom has got it going on. On the other hand, every Jesse in this world has become the coolest guy because Rick Springfield gave him a girl that everyone wants. Well, I was about ready to give up on my dream of having my name in a song until a friend informed me that there had been a song released with my name, just my name, as the title. I was so happy until he told me who it was by, the Swollen Members. Instantly I was crushed but I checked the song out nonetheless. Back in the day, I used to be a huge fan of rap, so I thought, "meh, I'm pretty gangster, I guess it's appropriate." Hearing the song crushed my heart. Over and over I've listened to it and it has no relevance to my name whatsoever. What I could understand of the song was that it was about drug dealing, maybe. What a waste of a dream! This will be the only song EVER with my name in it and I don't even know what it is about. I googled the meaning behind the song and apparently the title was inspired by their friend Kyla who is an insane violinist and plays in the song. LAME! I want a second chance with this dream. Not fair.

Facebook Abuser

In response to my latest blog, I deeply regret having my Uncle Ryan who is really Uncle Rodi on facebook. I forgot how much this uncle likes to talk. Last year he discovered how to text. This would not necessarily be a problem considering most of us would rather text than talk on the phone, but he abused this power. Once he found out my number, he sent me a "what are you doing" text almost every day. Apparently, he did this to my other cousins and none of them responded. However, I did not know this so I answered every one of his texts. Fortunately, he did not start a huge text conversation after that, they ended fast, but he would consistently send me that text at the worst times. Often, it would be at six in the morning. At Christmas he told me that I was his favourite because I was the only neice that responded. I like being the favourite but after that I quit. Now he has moved on to bigger and better things, facebook chat. He never fails to pop up on my facebook daily with random questions. Unlike text, he is far more creative. Sometimes it will be "why aren't you in bed" or my favourite, "got a boyfriend yet". I love my uncle and think he is hilarious but when facebook chat gets slower and slower the more people you talk to, I'd rather he not be one of them. I wonder what technology he'll annoy me with next?

Fake Facebook

Facebook is an interesting thing, you can take on almost any identity. A couple years back, my sister, Taryn and I, created a fake facebook account to play a trick on our really good friend. We were on vacation in Montana at the time and we thought it would be hilarious to make up this guy that we met on the trip. His name was Jase Matthew Bronzen and we put a lot of effort into his profile to make it legitimate. The point of the trick was to have Jase add Renae to facebook so that he could talk to her and tell her that he heard of Renae through me and Taryn. We wanted to see how far we could take this before she realized that Jase was not real. Looking back now, it was a cruel and immature joke because we were playing with Renae's feelings. After we unmasked Jase for who he really was, she told us how wrapped up in him she was. Surprisingly, she had told all her friends about Jase and how they were going to meet up sometime because he lived in Lethbridge. When she found out, she laughed, took it really well, but to this day I still feel bad that I took on someone else's identity at the expense of my friend's feelings. As heartless and immature that joke was, who would have thought my own uncle would do something similar. I have three uncle's on my mother's side, two of them have a friendly sibling rivalry. My Uncle Rodi has always wanted to be the favourite uncle but my Uncle Ryan receives attention all around. The other day I saw that my Uncle Ryan had facebook and so I added him as a friend. The next day he accepts my invitation and starts talking to me on facebook chat. To my surprise, the first thing that he says is "who's your favourite uncle?" This is a common question I hear from Uncle Rodi every time I see him, therefore, I was a little suspicious when I was hearing it from Uncle Ryan. I respond with "you are" because that's what I tell all of my uncles. His next response clears everything, "now now ky, are you sure?" Only my Uncle Rodi calls me Ky, in fact, he started that nickname. I caught him red handed. He explained that he created an account under Ryan's name so that he could trick people. I have never laughed that hard in a lont time. However, it proves this, you can never fully trust people on facebook; they may not always be the people you think they are.

Cheaps

One thing that I do not understand is why Cinema City (cheap seats) in Winnipeg is still showing movies which have already come out on DVD. I understand that it is cheap for a reason, that it premieres movies later than their original premiere. However, I believe it shows movies much too late. Movie Mill is the cheap seats in Lethbridge, where I come from. Surprisingly, the movies it showed in summer, such as, The Proposal, Up and My Sister's Keeper, are all still in Cinema City. As well, it is showing movies, such as Where the Wild Things Are, which are still in Silver City. Why is it that Winnipeg's cheap seats are getting in movies much later than the Movie Mill in Lethbridge? This allows me to say "that's why Alberta is better than Manitoba." However, Cinema City holds one thing over the Movie Mill: it is one dollar cheaper and has a cleaner, more comfortable atmosphere. I guess I would choose waiting a little extra longer to see a movie in cheaps than sit in a theatre where you cannot see over the person's head directly in front of you.

Noise

I have come to the realization that it is impossible to get work done in dorm. Last year, I was forced to work in the library because my room was unavailable during the daytime due to a nocturnal roommate. Therefore, I have taken advantage of having a single room this year by creating a comfortable work space in my room. Unfortunately, last year I became accustomed to a quiet work environment, thus, dorm is no longer an ideal place to study. Not only is it frustrating to listen to the elephants stomp in the room above me, or the herd of cattle trample up and down the staircase right beside my room, but it is far worse to hear the blabber occuring in the lounge. This is the most frustrating not because they are loud because I want to listen to what the girls in my dorm are talking about. As a result, I have realized that I can no longer do homework in my room. From this day forward, I will be setting up camp in the library where I am more efficient at doing homework.

Dr.God

Recently, my room has primarily been a psychologist's office. My clients come and go when they please, expecting me to drop everything to listen to their vent session. This I do not mind, I love listening; I have always wanted to be a psychologist. You may want to refer to my "Questioning?" blog for more insight. My door is always open for those in need of a shoulder to cry on, witty advice, or just a listening ear. Unfortunately, I have found that the psychologist doesn't have a psychologist of her own. When problems come my way I am left in my cluttered room, staring at the blank walls. However, I have discovered my personal psychologist, He is the Almighty Psychologist; the One with all the answers. I was sitting in my bed, praying for someone to listen to me for once and "Du du Dun Nuh!", my brother calls. He is the perfect listener, and a perfect answer to a prayer. Thank you Dr. God.

Laurine Steeves, 98 years old, passed away on December 14,2008 with loving family at her bedside. Jessie "Laurine " Steeves (nee Ruggles) was born in Osakis, Minnesota on February 2, 1910, a birth date she shared with twin sister Leone. Her family moved to Canada in 1916 eventually settling on a farm near Lomond, Alberta. She married John (Jack) Steeves in 1929 and resided on a farm near her parents. A grandson owns and operated this farm today. Her husband jack took on other ventures as well, a service station and a machine dealership which meant moves to neighboring towns of Carmangay an Champion. In 1958, along with four youngest children, they moved to Meeting Creek to semi retire and raise purebred Hereford cattle. They continued to reside there while spending several winters in Arizona until Jack's passing in 1981.In 1987, Laurine moved to a senior's apartment in Camrose to have more social contact with her age group. As health issues arose, she moved to Stoney Creek Londge, Faith House, Aspen Cottage, and finally Memory lane. These moves were not always easy but she continued to make new friends and was thankful for the compassionate people who cared for her. She loved to make crafts, plan get-togethers, and paint pictures, all things that were taken from her when her vision failed. She was an independent woman and wanted to do things for herself. Laurine loved people and delighted to have company in her home, and visits from friends and family were highlights in her later years. Her most frequent question being " Have you had dinner?" followed by "Do you want to go for coffee?". her family was extremely important to her and the announcement of another marriage or birth brought her great delight. her faith in God never wavered and she longed for all her family to have a personal relationship with Jesus. She was anxious to share her faith with all she met and was a prayer warrior to the end.She will be lovingly remembered by her six sons: Robert (Ruth), Donald, Richard (Ruth), Larry (Bev), Walter (Lois), Delbert (Celeste); tow daughter: Marilyn (Tore), and Joy (Tom) Holder; 25 grandchildren; 53 great-grandchildren; and 5 great-great grandchildren. She is also survived by her brother harry Ruggles, sister in law Jean (Jim) Reath and numerous nieces and nephews.Laurine was predeceased by her husband Jack (1981); great grandson Daniel Weaver(2002); daughter in law Vivien Steeves (2007) her parents Archie and Violet Ruggles; six brother and their wives: Royal (Bea), Burt (Carrie), Ross (Hazel), Wayne (Violet) Bob(Marie), and Dorn; two sister and their husbands: Amy (Fred) Steeves and Leone (Walter) Edenloff; and sister In law Marion Ruggles

Goodbye Fall

Summer has passed and Autumn is well on its way out. The first snow fall has hit Manitoba with a dreaded boom. I wish I would have known that it was coming so I could look at the grass one last time and work it into my memory. Everyone knows that once the snow hits Manitoba, it stays. I miss chinooks. In Alberta the snow will fall, and as soon as it hits the ground, it melts. This is not the case here in Winterpeg. I'm crossing my fingers for a warmer winter. I am not ready to start wearing a winter jacket. However, just because this is the first snow fall doesn't mean that it will stay all the way until March. Maybe, just maybe, Manitoba will change this year. Here's hoping.

Mystery Meat-Loaf Monday

Mystery Meat-Loaf Mondays: seriously, what is the cafeteria thinking? "Let's end Monday off with a great note by serving the students meat that looks like cat food." I know that I should not complain because the cafeteria is in a tough position having to serve tons of students. However, meatloaf, really? Have you ever heard of pork chop? Just a thought: us students pay a lot, a lot, a lot of money for the cafeteria. Unfortunately, we have to spend even more money on snacks to keep in dorm to keep us from starving during the week. Don't they understand that the reason why there is so much waste on the trays is because we didn't like it, not because there was too much food for us to eat? Obviously the cafeteria needs to pick it up a notch. One step could be getting real cheese at the Deli. I would rather not have another mystery meat-loaf Monday.

Cake Boss

I am the Cake Boss:
There is no denying this,
I take that cake batter and mix, mix, mix.
Forget recipes, forget ingredients
Baking from a box, it's an easy fix
I am the Cake Boss

Seriously, I do not think I am cut out for motherhood if I can't even bake a cake perfectly from a box. Who knew that spreading icing on a cake could be so difficult? I do not understand how people have the patience to decorate a cake and make it into a masterpiece. What was supposed to be a cake decorated as a pumpkin turned into a vomit inspired cake because I did not want to spend the time making the perfect spread. I firmly belive in Dairy Queen ice cream cakes. Every kid loves them and they save you plenty of time, effort and discouragement.

thinking

Oddly enough, I find that I do my best thinking when I am either sleeping or driving. Not only do these two activities provide good study breaks to refresh my mind but they allow me to think at my fullest potential. Maybe it is the fact that there are minimal distractions. For instance, when I am driving I only have the road to focus on and when I am sleeping, the darkness I see when my eyes are closed provides no distractions at all. Whereas, if I am in my room or the library, there are plenty of things that could cause my mind to drift away. Unfortunately, it is not possible to do my homework in the car while driving, and I could not possibly do my homework in my sleep. That in itself would be incredible and my life would be much easier if it was. Therefore, I must resort to doing homework in my room even if it means it takes me several hours to complete it and it is not to the best of my ability. However, driving and sleeping provide for good study breaks and opportunities to gather my thoughts so that when I attempt to do my homework again, I have something to write down.

ROY G BIV

Surprisingly, seeing a band that you love live could possibly ruin that love. Who knew that the opening bands could be more entertaining than the one you came to see? What you thought was cool suddenly becomes uncool when you find out that the band's fan base is largely pre-teens. Unfortunately, the lead singer is a much larger potty-mouth than expected. The little girls take it too far with throwing their "unwanteds" on stage and then you have to see their dirty laundry hanging from the mic stand. Who wants to hear the emo girl shout "Marry Me" continuously through-out the concert? Seriously, they can't hear you when you are sitting in the nose-bleed section. Finally, the lead singer is suffering from H1N1 and can't sing to his fullest potential. Considering all these things, I still love Marianas Trench. Despite what was unattractive at the concert, this band still remains attractive when you blast them on the car ride home.

Final Note: It is fun to spot the colours of the rainbow at a concert such as this one.

No church like Home church

Picking a church proves to be the most dificult, heart-wrenching task. After you have gone to the same church your whole life, it is impossible to find a church that matches the way you feel in your home church. I love my church. First of all, I know everyone. In this way, I am just as close to my church family as my real family. Secondly, I know the music. Therefore, I am confortable knowing that I will be able to sing every song. Finally, there are people my age. It is good to relate to others of a different age, but it is wonderful to lean back on these friends who will always understand where you are coming from. I know that I need to step out of my comfort zone and become more open, however, I feel like it is alright to be picky at this point. Oddly enough, I have become the Goldilocks of churches. "This one's too large, this one's too small, this one has too many old people, this one has not enough." I do not want to feel like just another number at the church and at the same time I do not want to sing hymns the entire service. There is really no place like my home church. Yet, I would like to find a church I can call my second-home. The search goes on.

Not Guilty

I am guilty of being a guilt-tripper. Surprisingly, I am manipulative, conniving and devious. For some reason, I am skilled in crawling into a person's mind, grabbing it and pulling it along to what I want. Unfortunately, I have practiced this far too many times with my parents and therefore, have mastered it. However, now I know what it is like to be on the other end. It is not fun, in fact, it is rather annoying. The way in which people can take my words and twist them to fit their argument gets on my last nerve. How dare they take these techniques which I have perfected over the years and use them against me? My stubborn foot helps me stand my ground. I will not and shall not ever be manipulated into doing something that I do not want to. Since I have been the guilt-tripper in the past, I know the tricks involved. These amateurs stand no chance against me. Instead of fuming up from their feeble attempts, from now on I will just laugh. I will never be guilty of being guilt-tripped by a guilt-tripper.

Questioning?

A long time ago, my LITEforce leader (leadership in training) at camp told me what I should do in life. He told me that he saw me as a counsellor. No, I do not mean a counsellor at camp which was appropriate considering I was a leader in training at camp. He meant a counsellor as a career. Surprisingly, he said that he saw a lot of himself in me. This caught me off guard a bit, but he explained further. The funny thing about Rob was that he led my older sister in this program as well, so he knew me from what she said even before I applied. She told him that I was a great listener, and whenever she needed to confide in someone, it was me she would go to. He said that he did not believe Taryn the way she exaggerated it until he met me. Apparently, he believed I had two amazing gifts: listening and genuinely caring for others. First of all, I have always known I was a great listener but it was because there are members of my family who love talking, I had to learn to listen. Secondly, I do care a lot about people but not to a greater extent than others for it to become a gift of mine. However, he convinced me that I was blessed with these things and therefore I should use them. As a result, I looked into psychology thinking a good listener who cares about others fits perfectly. In the end, I took a different path towards media, wanting to pursue my creative side instead. I forgot about this one on one with Rob until recently. The past two weeks have been overwhelming in that everyone close to me has confided in me about something. I wondered why people have come to me with their problems knowing I have no experience in what they are dealing with. When I addressed this concern with them, they each said in a way that I was a good listener who genuinely cared. Instantly, I flash backed to that specific one on one. As a result, I have questioned of whether or not I am on the right career path. I love being creative but I also want to help others. Maybe there is a way that I can intertwine the two.

vegetABILITY.

If being old feels anything like how I am feeling now, I refuse to grow up. Seriously, we take walking for granted. Right now, I am a vegetable. Honestly, I have to lift my legs with my arms in order to put on my shoes, wiggle like a worm to get into bed, and grasp the railing with all my might to make it up and down the stairs. Tip: when they say stretch before a hard work out, DO IT! After the work out, drink tons of water until you feel like you are drowning, there is no other way to flush away the lactic acid. This is especially important because guess what, if you are sore for next practice, you are doomed, done, destined for death. Today was my own personal nightmare. How could I possibly run if I could barely walk. As well, how can I SPRINT if my legs are falling off when I'm running. I never thought that it could take me 20 minutes to walk back to dorm until now. Sadly, if I thought I was sore before, I have no idea what I'm in for tomorrow since there will be soreness on top of soreness. I will be praying that I will be able to make it out of bed tomorrow morning.  

Uniqueity

You know who your true friends are when you can do absolutely nothing for six hours and still have fun. People who are uptight about making plans are truly missing out. Spontaneity is key in a friendship, it shows that as a team you can think on your feet and be creative. As well, it reveals your similarities and differences in what you think is fun. Typically, friends go to the movies or shopping. Since everyone does this with a group of friends, it is not unique; it does not show your true character. On the other hand, drinking bubbletea, then browsing a candy store, then driving for an hour or so looking for Boston Pizza, says something about the people involved. First of all, it says they are cultured, they don't mind sipping a foreign drink in an asian restaurant. Secondly, it reveals that although they were searching for a comedy club they happened upon a candy store because they are truly kids at heart. Finally, the fact that it took them several attempts to get to Boston Pizza in a large parking lot shows that they are completely mindless. All in all, random adventures prove to be the best kind, not only because they are ridiculously fun but because they share something about the people you are spending time with.

Elephants from Above

Stomp, stomp, STOMP! The elephants that live above me are ruthless. I do not understand how someone can walk around their room so much in one day. Honestly, if I'm in my room, I am usually sitting on my bed. However, those people who shall remains nameless are constantly strutting causing my room to shift and shake. Last year I lived upstairs and didn't understand why the people below me always came upstairs to tell us to be quiet. Now I know how it feels, except last year I don't believe I spent most of my time plodding along in my room. I so badly want to go upstairs and break their feet. That seems harsh and I would never do that, but I cannot help but feel hatred when they wake me up at 7 in the morning when they JUMP off their beds. I've just about had it.

Pause for Reflection

The saying is true, "you don't know how good you have it." Often, we get caught up in the problems we face day to day, thinking that they are the end of our world as we know it. We are so fortunate. I am not just talking about the cliche reasons such as having a roof over our heads, the ability to have three meals a day, and so on. I am talking about the fact that we don't have to sleep in fear of being abducted, massacred or mutilated. This security I have in knowing that I am going to make it to morning is the most blessed thing. After watching The Rescue: Invisible Children, I was forced to reflect on my life. Sadly, I have been trapped in this naive bubble all my life. I have always known that devastating evil lurks in our world but I have chosen to ignore it. Knowing the destruction of human lives that happens every day due to violence puts a damper on my selfish world. I feel so insignificant that I can be here enjoying an education while there are lives at risk. Honestly, I envy those who travel to these places in hopes of improving them. All I can do is sit here and enjoy the fine luxuries of life, maybe donate a little here and there. I wish there was something I could do.

WOOHOO!

"Yes" is the key to happiness. "No" keeps you on the couch watching One Tree Hill re-runs where "Yes" wins you $100.
Yesterday, I spent my Thanksgiving travelling: two hour drive from home to the airport, two hour air plane ride, two minute shuttle ride to air park, forty minute drive back to Providence. Therefore, I was in no position to travel some more after I settled back in dorm. However, one of my friends was in desperate need for a ride back to Winnipeg. At first I said no, knowing how tired I was that I could not possibly drive another two hours or so. Unfortunately, she was having no luck in finding a ride and thus, my guilty conscience grabbed a hold of me. I told myself I would be a good friend and take her home, even though deep inside I was completely dreading it. Three of us girls hopped into my car and drove towards an unexpected adventure. We stopped at McDonald's in hopes of adding more acne to our faces in order to win the Monopoly million. As always, we were unsuccessful and as true gamblers went elsewhere to happen upon a small fortune. Luckily, there was a convenience store neighbouring McDonald's so we went there for scratch and wins. Our first round was a disappointment, each of us only winning up to $3.00. Feeling embarassed about claiming such a small amount, I refused to go back in. However, my friend convinced me to go back in and it proved to be the best decision ever. I told myself I was only going to buy one more scratch and win. Since I love the show the Amazing Race, I bought that ticket. The arrowed path led me to the exit with the $100 prize amount and I thought I must have scratched wrong. To my surprise, the machine screamed "WOOHOO" when the cashier ran the winning ticket through. This rather large sum of money for a college student was handed to me and I bounced out of the store. As I turned on the radio, "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas rang through my speakers triumphantly. Tonight was truly a good night. Moral of the story: the good samaritan is rewarded. If I would have stuck with "No", I wouldn't have been $100 richer. WOOHOO!

The Mighty Giant

There is an empty pool table in the middle of the Student Life Center. It is screaming "PLAY POOL", but nobody dares; the Price is Right is much too compelling. Drew Carrey draws in the eyes of the room as he lets an avid fan stroke his oversized belly while he shouts out the instructions for the next game. No one is up to playing pool in the morning; it requires excessive amounts of physical activity at such an early hour. What else is there to do at 9:30 a.m. than watch a full episode of the greatest game show in history? Even without Bob Barker, it is still "the show" to keep you sitting on the edge of your seat shouting out random prices. However, one lonely giant steps into the Student Life Center and the room grows dim. He glances at the pool table with pride; a game he cannot lose. One by one, he stares down each of the weak bystanders and chuckles as they cripple with fear. All attempt to avoid eye contact since the giant uses his puppy dog eyes as a weapon. Once you look into them, there is no turning back. Casually, he walks to the center of the room and pretends to take interest in the Barker Beauties as they show off "A BRAND NEW CAR!" This is a simple distraction tactic in which he makes his victims believe they are safe until he swivels on the spot and glares into one of their eyes. A bearded man cannot help but look up. Instantly, the short man attempts to stand up while his knees wobble and wiggle, forcing him to sit back down. "Stand up ppppuny MAN! Play me in a game of pool." spats the giant. Once again the short man in green board shorts stands up, this time with a minuscule amount more of confidence. "O-o-o kayy" the little man stutters, "first let me stretch." The giant gallantly walks off, grabs the triangle and swoops every ball into place. The victim cracks each of his knuckles slowly, hoping to slow down time so that he can gather his breath. "Ready?" asks the giant. "You bet." states the other. Both grab a cue and stand face to face. "I'll break." declares the giant and the bearded man shuffles out of the way. He takes the cue ball and slams it on spot. Gracefully, he lines up and BANG; balls shoot off into many different directions. Two stripes slide into the corner pockets: the giant grins. With a furrowed brow, short man lines up the cue ball and the blue solid with the side pocket. Surprisingly, the ball rolls right in. "Phew," he whispers as he wipes the sweat dripping down his nose. This slight stab to the giant's ego has no affect on him as he effortlessly shoots another stripe in. The stroke of luck the little man comes upon soon runs out as he misses his next shot. The game moves forward as the giant consistently puts in every strip and the short man continually misses. Suddenly, only the 8 ball is left for the giant to sink while the bearded man has three solids left. Doomed. There is no happy ending for this common hero. Without a doubt, the 8 ball banks off the wall and slides into the side pocket; exactly what the giant intended. The giant adds another victory to his belt as he smiles with pleasure. Humbly, the short man looks down and says "good game". The balls are shoved back into the various pockets and the room grows light once again. Although the poor victim was humiliated in the game of pool, he still stalks off with the giant back to class. Break is over. Another morning will bring another game; another victim will lose to the mighty giant.

Someone Beautiful

It has been one year; one year since Brad Toews passed away. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had only known Brad for a month but it was enough. He was wild, humorous, protective, kind, bold and so much more. My first impression was unfortunate; I was in the computer lab late at night checking my e-mail and he came in, found someone's mail by a computer and starting swearing up a storm. I didn't understand him, immediately I thought he was a bad guy I needed to stay away from. However, he was really good friends with my roommate so I had to learn how to be okay with him. This was a great thing because I started to see different sides to him, not just the funny one that everyone knows. There was one night when my roommate and her ex-boyfriend had a fight, she brought me along for support. I didn't really know what was going on when she all of a sudden slapped him across the face. Seconds later, her ex retaliated by threatening to hit her and Brad was there to hold him back and calm him down. I saw him in a totally different light after that and started to try to get to know him. I wish I had more time. That day is still so clear. He was in my introduction to theatre class and that morning he was not there. We did not think much of it until Marlin Reimer came to our class looking for him. Soon after there was an emergency meeting at the chapel and I still feel guilty for the comments that were made while we were waiting to find out what the meeting was about. I was sitting with my roommate and a few of our friends and we were trying to figure it out. One of our conclusions was that something happened to Brad because he was not in class today. Unfortunately, my roommate assumed suicide and made the "gun pointed to head" gesture. Inside I had a feeling that something actually was terribly wrong, but it was too easy to joke around. After finding out the truth, I never felt so horrible in my life; not only because of the jokes that were being made before hand, but because it took me a while to accept Brad. I've never squeezed my roommate's hand so tight. Everyone asks why. Why did he leave in the middle of his song; his beautiful song? If someone told him life was not worth the fight, they were wrong; they lied. Now he is gone, and we cry. I do not understand what went wrong. How could have he masked his troubled soul for so long? It makes you wonder if there was anything you could have said or done. However, God only knows what went wrong. All I can do now is remember; remember the short amount of time I had with him and how honoured I am that I even have that. I know now that I cannot judge someone based on first impressions. He was so much more than the guy I was creeped out by in the computer lab. He was so beautiful and now every time I hear the train go by, I think of him.

A Vicious Cycle

Originally, I was going to go home for Thanksgiving weekend. However, Saturday morning presented an unexpected tragedy; flights are too expensive. Honestly, I was extremely upset to find this out because I was pumped to come home. I know that it is my fault that I cannot go home because I decided last minute to come home, but it would have been nice for it to actually work out. As soon as I became content with not going home, I get a call from my mother that I could come home by train if I wanted to. A nineteen hour train ride to Edmonton and then a five hour road trip home? This does not sound like a good plan so I turn it down because I might as well drive home. As soon as this plan seems settled, my mother presents me with another idea, there are some seat sales but I would have to leave early on Monday morning. I know how much my family wants me home but this is getting ridiculous. I would have rathered them giving up after the first let down instead of them trying again and again to find an alternative. I cannot handle this vicious cycle of hopes lifted and let downs. I do not know for sure whether or not I am going home. These maybes are killing me, I need a definite answer and I need it fast. It's too bad I still don't know what to do.

Secrets of Winnipeg

There is more than meets the eye with a city such as Winnipeg. Often people get caught up in the huge city centers such as malls, theatres, parks, etc. However, there is much more to a city if you take the time to explore it. There is such beauty in the small things and Winnipeg is a city which proves this.
Today, I discovered an amazing ice cream parlour with a friend. This place does not receive enough credit for how great it is. Bridge Drive-In has apparently the best ice cream in Winnipeg which is something I have been unaware of for an entire year. Something as amazing as BDI should be advertised by word of mouth much more than it actually is. Then again, maybe it receives its magic in its mystery. Once the mystery is gone, so is the magic. It may not be mysterious in the eerie, creepy sense but mysterious in the unknown, something different sense.
Maybe I am being extremely naive when it comes to this place. Maybe it is well-known and I am just the last to know. However, this place is special to me because it is something new, something different. To me, it holds a certain mystery because I have not been there before. As well, it is a place now where I can hold a special memory. It is a place where I connected with an old friend; someone I was not close with before based on my misunderstanding. Often people judge others based on their own understandings and forget about change of perspective. Not everyone is the same, and so when you are getting to know someone it is best to keep in mind the change of perspective. Their views may be different than yours but they are still wonderful in their own way. This magic I discovered at BDI. Like my friend, it is a place of different perspective. It is not like the mall, the theatre or the park in that everyone loves it. No, it is different and reveals a completely different side of Winnipeg. The secret is, that there is much more to a city or person if you take the time to explore it. The surface will always be there but the heart you have to dig for.

Alberta Bound....soon

Today I decided that I am coming home for Thanksgiving. Originally, I was just going to stay here at Providence and get a ton of work done. However, recently I have really felt like I need to go home for a few days. Since I live in Alberta, I am not able to go home every weekend like most students here. It was so random. I was dead set on not going home Thanksgiving weekend and all of a sudden today I decided otherwise. Unfortunately, I am always deciding last minute on when I am coming home and so my parents are unable to find sales on tickets. Thankfully, they are just happy I'm coming home and do not care how many air miles they have to use. I am so excited for Thanksgiving now and cannot believe that it is less than two weeks away. Crazy.

Mondays are not Fundays

I hate Mondays, and not just because it is the end of the weekend and beginning of the week, but because it just plain sucks. First of all, I have an 8:30 a.m. class and it kills me. Second of all, everyone has an evening class, so I am stuck doing nothing all alone for three hours. Finally, it is care group night. I know that I should love care group; it is a time to get to know the other girls in my dorm. However, it feels like forced bonding. Most of the time we sit in a circle and talk about our feelings which is something I don't like. I already have a hard enough time telling my mom how I feel, why should I feel comfortable about telling a bunch of girls my high points and low points of the week. In conclusion, Mondays are not fundays; there is nothing fun about them.

Dumb Regret

Today I discovered how much I miss volleyball. There was the women's volleyball game today against CMU and it was hard for me to watch. It has been three years since I've played and it is not fun having to watch others play it. Last year I was too scared to try out because I was only a freshmen and figured I had to get used to the school first before joining a sport. I was committed to trying out this year until I saw what seemed to be a million freshmen girls who had legs for days and had been recruited for the team. I chickened out again this year and now I am deeply regretting it. I just do not understand why I tried out for basketball (a sport I've never played before) but not volleyball (a sport I've played for most of my life). Maybe it is because if I fail in basketball I can blame it on my experience where if I fail in volleyball I can only blame it on my skill level. It is going to be difficult to watch the girl's volleyball season this year, but lets hope that I love basketball as much as I did volleyball.

unFORTUNEately

Fortune cookies are seriously my highlight of the day. I look forward to budging in the international line to get a fortune cookie. However, there are people out there that think it is hilarious to ruin this moment of mine. Seriously, a fortune cookie is not the same when it is crushed. Somebody today massacred my fortune cookie and I was not impressed. Shortly after, another somebody tried to stab my other one with a fork but my hand fortunately got in the way. The whole excitement in a fortune cookie is cracking it open. When it is broken, or smashed into pieces, it is not the same. This is a warning to anyone out there. Do not mess with my fortune cookies!

Screamo

I am all for expressing yourself during worship, but when your unique style of worshiping distracts others from focusing on God, I am not a huge fan. 2 a.m. worship for Day of Prayer was amazing; the music, the attendance, everything. However, one thing really bothered me. This guy moved in behind me and caught me off guard. I am used to every one's voices blending together in a beautiful way, but he brought a new style of worship I've never experienced before. All I could hear, above the booming drums, was his voice screaming out the lyrics. When I say screaming, I do not mean like singing the lyrics passionately as loud as he could; I mean ear-piercing screaming. I already hate screamo music, so to have him bursting out every word was a total distraction. In fact he was screaming so loud directly behind me that I could feel his breath moving my hair. I wanted to be open to it but it was almost too much to handle. I think his passion is definitely there but I think next time he needs to take that passion to the very front where it can blend with the loud music.

Just Sitting

One thing I learned today is that it is okay to sit at a table in the cafeteria for an entire hour. What is the rush? I don't understand why people eat and then leave as soon as they're done. That used to be me, but today after I was eating I just sat there. Interestingly enough, people came and left my table and it was awesome. I got to talk to many different people during one meal time. Who cares if you have an empty tray, it is fine to just sit there and visit with people when they're eating. It's kind of like life. As cheesy as it is, it's true. Everyone is always in a hurry and people don't realize that good things come when you just sit and do nothing. Just sitting; it's the new adventure.

Letters from Home

Call me "Old Fashioned" but receiving a hand-written letter is so much more exciting than e-mail, text, or facebook. Honestly, a letter is much more personal because the sender actually took the time to write each word in a beautiful way. Tonight I received a letter from my grandmother. The thing about letters is they seem to come on the most rotten days in order to lift your spirits. Today was no extraordinary day, in fact it was quite dull. I woke up early for basketball practice, 7 am!!! As a result, I spend most of the day sleeping since I didn't get any sleep the night before due to loud fire crackers being set off and a person with a bad cough right outside my window. Therefore, my day seemed like a complete waste of time. However, right after caregroup a surprise shows up in my mailbox to turn things around. There is something about a letter which feels like home. It could be the fact that a letter is written in their very own unique handwriting, rather than the monotonous letters of Times New Roman. Or it could be the anticipation in waiting for a letter. My grandmother told me that I would be receiving a letter from her once a month. This adds to the excitement in post because you look forward to its arrival rather than the instantaneous messaging of e-mail. All in all, I prefer letters.

Thanks Mom

Strangest thing ever: Moms and Facebook. I think it is probably the worst thing when you see you have a friend request and it is from your friend's mom. Your hopes are lifted and suddenly they are shot down. One thing that I am thankful for is that my mom has no desire to get facebook, EVER! We have come to terms that if she wants to know about my life she can simply ask, rather than creep on my wall and photo albums. I have this one friend whose mom has gone too far with Facebook. First of all, her profile picture is a model portrait of her in which her bleach blond hair is blowing in the wind and she is making a kissy face. Weird. Second of all, she has an album dedicated to her children's shoes in which she has tagged all of them with the shoes they belong to. Weird. Finally, she made an album titled "Pictures that can be removed for a small fee" in which she has tagged her children in their most embarrassing child hood photographs. Weird. Lets just say I am glad my mom is computer challenged.

what the..?

Everyone knows the tiny bubbles on the top of fast food drink lids. You know, the ones that the workers are supposed to push in for the kind of drink. Typically, these bubbles are pointless unless used for pure entertainment. I don't know if it is just me, but I like to push the bubbles in as soon as I get my drink; it is just something I do. Most people don't even think about it, they just do it. Today, there is a new phenomenon at McDonald's! These bubbles now have neat designs. Now they are more attractive for pushing when you are bored while eating your Big Mac. It would have to be McDonald's to take an already pointless thing and make it better. All in all, this new invention totally works. It adds character to the bubbles as you push them in and feel a different texture. People can now look forward to eating at Mickey D's even more because of these bizzare, evolved bubbles. Who knew?

Stepping Out

Today I stepped out and did something I am afraid of; I tried out for the basketball team. Someone once told me that good ideas come when they are out of the blue. This proves this saying true. I had no intention of trying out for the basketball team until last night when a couple of my friends convinced me to try out. Even though I have had no experience in basketball and have never tried out for anything before, I overcame my fear and tried out. Surprisingly, it proved to be the best experience ever. Although the conditioning was tough and I am clearly the worst of the team, it was fun. Plus, I MADE IT!! I am excited for the upcoming basketball season, its challenges it presents and the potential for improvement. If I had not stepped out today, I think I would be writing this blog about rejection; once again.

Bravery of One

Sometimes it is amazing to see who people can be. The type of people who appear fearless and strong. Something as simple as having a genuine conversation with someone who most people ignore. It inspires me to witness something like this. For most of us, we pass by these people who seem strange and socially awkward. In fact, most of us go out of our way to avoid them. I am guilty of this. Almost everyday I refuse to sit at a table which is full of people I judge as abnormal. However, these people are just being themselves, while the rest of us are pretenders. When I see a pretender shake off this label and become Christ-like by making an effort with someone who is different, I am jealous. It is a weakness to hide in our own bubble, and so I wish that we all had the strength to reach out. It is something I wish to work on. Someone today stepped out and it amazed me.

No Risk, No Reward.

Rejection. It is something that most of us fear on a daily basis. Whether its rejection from a friend, someone of particular interest, audition or tryout; we all face it. This knowledge should be a comfort however, the feeling of being alone with rejection will never go away. It is simply pride. No one wants to feel incompetent; that they will never measure up. Rejection is the brother to failure. When we are rejected, we fail and thus our pride is wounded. However, if we let the risk of failure haunt us then we would all be standing still; watching the minutes pass as we are motionless. I have let the fear of rejection become an obstruction to what I want far too many times. It is time to move forward and take risks. No risk, no reward.

Dine and Dash

Banquets, not a huge fan. There is something about banquets which gets under my skin. Maybe it is the fact that you have to compliment everyone you see on how beautiful they look and it gets to be repetitive. There is no way you can possibly tell the truth, that they are either overdressed or under dressed because that would be cruel. Or it could be the fact that you are served. This may not seem like a bad thing, but who does not want to decide what their proportion size is or if they would like vegetables or not. Finally, it could be the awkward table conversations. You may not necessarily be sitting with people you know very well and so casual "what the weather was like today" talk only goes so far. This is a highly pessimistic view of banquets. I understand that it develops community, provides entertainment and serves a well-cooked meal. However, I have found that it is not for me. Eat and leave, that is how it should be.

Genesis of Blogs

This is the beginning, the beginning of various blogs to come. As a green horn to blogging, I am not sure how to go about this. Nonetheless, I will provide mind-blowing, extraordinary blogs that you will think about for days. Actually, that is a lot to promise so instead I will do my best to provide insight into my life and my concerns. Not only will I tackle controversial debates such as if Ichiban destroys Mr. Noodle but I will rant about pretty much anything. Everything is what it is, there is always a reason for why things are the way they are. For instance, I am writing this blog for a reason; to entertain you on the days when you have nothing else to do. As well as to receive a good grade in my class, but mainly for you. Enjoy!